Friday, April 28, 2006

Those crazy things we do.

Captain Redneck let me borrow this story. It was just too good to not share.

A couple years ago, Mr. Neck received a birthday present from his wife. She likes to embarrass him at work. So she made a gift basket for him with all the things a guy likes. At least a guy like Mr. Neck. There was candy and mints, nuts and chips and a picture of the wife, and a new tie, and a book on computers. Just normal stuff. There was also the rose. The beautiful red rose was not just a rose but actually a pair of thong underwear for men contoured in the wonderfully accurate shape of a red rose. He unwound the rose and held it up for the office women to see. Now his face and his rose were the same shade of red.

Fast forward to several months later. Living arrangements at the Mr. Neck house are as follows, Mr. Neck, his wife and their twenty something, should-be-living-out-on-his-own, son. This nite as fate would have it, free-meal-Freddie, was out with his friends and the wife was watching American Idol on the boob tube. Mr. Neck is doing a little cleaning upstairs. He comes across the thong. Now this is where the story could have taken a turn for the lame. He could have thrown them out, moved them to another junk spot or left them in the desk drawer. He chose door number four. He decided it would be a great gag to strip naked, don the bananna hammock and parade around downstairs in front of his soon to be shocked wife. And so he did.

He sneaks downstairs and is about to do the Electric Boogaloo in front of his soul mate when he hears a disturbance in the force. Moocher Mike is arriving home early from his shenanigans and is on the other side of the front door applying the key to the keyhole. The horror sets in, just in time for setback number two. Son is not alone. Mr. Neck hears voices, female, male, many. He leaps for the door and slams it shut as it is opening. Then, with one deft manuever he aims to turn, run upstairs and change lickity split. He makes it through procedure one, he turns. And rams his head into the corner, ripping it open like a cheap pair of pants on an all-you-can-eat diner. So now he is running up the stairs, wearing a thong and all that the good Lord gave him. He makes it to his room as his wife and son wonder what the commotion is all about.

The night winds down as he manages to slow the bleeding and get dressed. He explains the story to his rather amused wife, son and son's friends as they accompany him to the emergency room for stitches. Who could make this crap up???

2 comments:

Nosaj said...

NOSAJ HERE. That was the funnies blog yet. Too bad the kids didn't get to see the boys swinging as he
ran up the steirs. That would of been the icing on the cake..ROFLMAO

Anonymous said...

Whew....truth IS stranger than fiction! Now, I think this website needs more photos...that would have been awesome!