Money for Nothing and Your Chicks for Free

There is always that one guy. You know him. I know him. We all know someone like him. He is the one that doesn't want to work for a living. He always has a get-rich-quick scheme at hand. Today his name is Bird Flu Man. His latest attempt to thwart working an honest day is to sell stuff on ebay. Now this is a novel idea. Novel, that brings me to his last scheme, selling e-books online. Notice the trend here. Next, he will be selling organs online. Oh wait, I think I have it. He goes in for elective neckbone surgery. Gets the corpse bone and then sells it for a profit. Sweet. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
This weekend I had a couple of Nosajisms. First we were at the barber and he was discussing his haircut options with the woman of non-English speaking origin. She nodded a lot and said "Cuttee?" quite often. The whole scenario was made even more ludicris by the fact that he is losing the battle with male pattern baldness. He talked more about 2 strands of hair than Bush talks on immigration. Give up the battle. Kojak almost rhymes with Nosaj. Get a lollipop and be happy, baldy.
The second Nosajism happened at a Japanese steakhouse. He was inquiring as to whether I ordered the double deuce. The twenty-two ounce Kirin. Of course, I had. He was proud of his use of double deuce to define the 22 in twenty-two. Which led him and his wonderful bride to inquire about why I use the phrase 'Dropping a deuce' for a bowel movement. This was still at dinner of course. I explained that deuce meant going 'number 2' or 'numero deuce'. They were both gleeful in their new-found knowledge. Then the obvious question of whether 'dropping a double deuce' was going twice. As everyone knows, a double deuce is just a really horrible, bowel-shaking bowel movement, not a multiple movement which is refered to as 'having the shits'.
I often find myself surrounded by friends of the wife. I find it amusing when they drop their not-so-subtle hints at how they want me. Lines like, little JiggyE (my two year old son) is so handsome, followed immediately by 'he looks just like his daddy'. I have no other recourse but to assume they think I am equally as handsome. I was disturbed, however, to hear the same phrase from a MAN at my friendly neighborhood post office the other day. Am I to assume, all those women were just being polite? They are not really hot for me? This is just two phrases together that have no tie-ins with my beauty. Bullshit. Mailboy must be a flaming Vito.