Birth of a Nation

This is a great week. Work two days, get a day off and work two more days. They should look into this option every week. This past weekend, we actually hung out at the pool on Saturday and Sunday. But before I get into all those festivities, let me tell you about the morons I saw on Friday.

Of course the wife had me and the herd out shopping. We went to Kohl’s again because at least one of the brood must have been wearing rags and needed new clothing. I did find a shirt for myself too. So we drive past the AT&T (formerly Cingular) store and see a dozen or so retards sitting in lawn chairs, under a canopy, waiting for the privilege of buying an IPhone.

I found out later, however, that most of the people in the front of these lines were selling the phones on EBAY for twice the price. Who is the retard now? I guess instead of dropping cash on clothes I could have been pocketing $600 bucks for sitting in a parking lot. Who knew?

The pool activities consisted of several key phrases. “Daddy look at me”, “Daddy watch this”, “Daddy he/she is hitting me and/or taking my raft”. Nothing a little brown bottle couldn’t remedy. The major excitement happened when our little 5 year old saved the 3 year old from drowning. She just grabbed him up from under the water and held him until the wife pulled him out. Once he had his senses about him again, I asked the little man if he had leaned over and fallen out of his floatie. Nope. “I was swimming”. Ah, I see. Nice job of it too.

We took in the fireworks display on Saturday night. I guess my sun dial was not working because I thought the Fourth was on Wednesday. Regardless, they shot em off and we watched em. Sunday the in-laws bought a bushel of crabs. That was a nice gesture. At least until the father-in-law ran around with a camera and took pictures of us eating them, threatening to create his own blog called moochers.com. Entirely unnecessary if you ask me. Funny yes, but unnecessary. Fortunately I was only filmed eating crabs while the Nosaj family had the unfortunate timing of having the inlaws do their damn laundry over the weekend and have that filmed too. Now THAT is mooching. I always send my laundry over on WEEKDAYS.

Nosaj and family had just returned from the great cheese state visiting the entire Nosaj clan. I am sworn to secrecy about the events that unfolded in the great Midwest but let me just say there were brats eaten, lots of beer consumed, cheese eaten (of course cheese eaten), beer consumed, an arrest, family infighting, and the old not-good-enough-to-play-horseshoes bean bag games played. Whew. Sounds like a whirlwind week.

In one last bit of Nosaj news. I am planning a poker game in two weeks at my house because rumor has it, I will be solo. Solo as in Macaulay Culkin solo. And the rumor is the plane might fly again that day. As a little warm up to the card playing festivities, what better than seeing a grown man throw his toy in the air and have it crash into some of my wildlife at 50 mph? Well, of course, the answer is all the above while drinking beer. Winner.

We learned something at work last week. The Wendy’s food challenge is off the Summer Olympics. When none of us could knock out the Arby’s 5 for $5.95 special we decided that 13 Wendy’s menu options was just going to mean trouble. Which gives me renewed respect for my man Kobiyashi. He is injured and still might compete tomorrow in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Although I think I am going to cheer for the American, Joey Chestnut this year. USA. USA. USA.