Ho-larious

I have some good news and some bad news. But first I have to get to something that is really bothering me. What happened to Spring Break? Now I am old and there is no chance that I am going to the beach with the young kids, but I should be able to turn on MTV and see young, hot chicks. So last night, I am scrolling through the channels and I see that some show is on from Spring Break. I remember years ago they had Springer at Spring Break, dance contests, concerts and hotties running around half naked. What do I encounter last night? Moes. Lots and lots of Moes. The premise of the show said that it would be timed dating and date switching. Who cares. Just show some bikinis. Nope. I got guy on guy kissing. Hadn't had the damn thing on for more than a minute and dudes are smooching and giggling. WTF. It is bad enough that they put a gay character in all the tv shows now, but to steal beach air time from hot chicks?? Something is just plain wrong about that.

OK. Now on to more important business. There is hope. I repeat, there is hope for all of you out there. I have been defeated. The Hawkman cometh. He rolled up from his comfy Carolina home to dish out some tennis ass whomping. So just like Arnold said in Predator, "If it bleeds, we can kill it", you have a shot now. There is evidence I can be beaten. Just step up to the mike. I won't even bring any excuses. I brought none to the Hawkman trouncing. I didn't mention that he had played almost professionally (high school team) when he was younger and hid this from me during my preparation. I didn't mention that he came ill prepared to play and had to Bogart my racket, forcing me to use my 10 year old son's child size racket. Nor did I use as an excuse that my 3 year old was hanging on my leg most of the match. No siree. I use no excuses. He beat me fair and square. Pay that man his money.

Sometimes people get judged by their looks or actions without thought being given to their upbringing. Like the one day criminal that sees his dad fail the poly 5 or 6 times, he cannot be totally to blame. Or the kid that cusses all the time because his dad might have mentioned a few bad words from time to time. So we cannot be too judgmental toward Lumpy. He is cheap. This is a proven fact. I know other cheap people and he is a star amongst stars. Who else do you know that has purchased a shovel, dug his flowerbed with it, shined that bitch up and taken it back to the store??? Who else hosts a party, takes the good beer you bring and hides it and showers the party in cheap beer??? Who else buys skim milk and then waters it down even more to make it last??? (OK, that one was the Human Tumor) But take this into account. I won't mention the name but one of Lumpy's female parents wants him to Tivo an entire season of Sopranos so she can drive 5 hours each way to spend a weekend at his house doing nothing but watching the show. All to save $9.99 for an HBO subscription. Sorry Lumpy we feel your pain.