Update

I have been a little to busy to blog lately, but I didn't want to just leave you in limbo like our friend the Quad. He seems to think we will still come back for more taudry Ebone stories after a month or two of nothing. Of course we will, we love gossip on the Ebone.
I have learned several things in the last couple days. The most important of all these things is that no matter how much you think your wife loves you, she will love a good epidural much more than you. So much that you might think that she wants to run off and marry the chick stabbing her in the back with a foot long needle and warning of possible little tiny side effects like numbness in your whole body forever, splitting headaches for weeks, and the desire to kill your husband with your bare hands for doing this to you in the the first place.
Having a baby in the middle of the night will teach you a couple other things like, the doctor that has known your wife since she was sixteen and is always joking at the office and is the nicest guy in the world, still gets all grumpy when called in the dead of the night. And Taco Bell being open at 3:30 in the morning combined with a couple Coronas is a great midnite snack. And about the whole giving up eating out for Lent? God understands. And he understands KFC and McDonalds for lunch today too. Only so much a man can do. Either I give up something for Lent and stick with it or I go forth and multiply. I chose the multiply. And let me tell you, if I end up burning for a little slippage, let me just say this. STEAK SOFT TACO. It is only a little heat anyways.
Since I am out of the office for a few days helping my wife get back on her feet and back in that kitchen making my meals, I want to tell the office mates that after further consideration, I decided that participating in the office March Madness pool is not a good decision for me this year. I will not partake. Thanks for the invite. Catch me next year.
Lastly, I will finish with a big congratulations to the George Mason Patriots. They went in with a chip on their shoulders and smacked that ass. They had a single winning mentality. There was nothing that was going to stand in thier way. It reminded me of Lumpy going for a deal. If he can save a buck or two, he is all over it. Or like Sandwich Artist and his cheesy ass Nintendo belt. Dude, you are not a superstar. It is a video game and you still ain't getting laid. Two cats and some peanut butter ain't the real deal.

Daily Musings

Hello everyone. Hopefully you had a good weekend. We are still on the lookout for the Quad. He hasn't been seen in a month. Two months if you don't count the time we thought we saw him on the registered offenders web page. Come back to us Quad man.

Sandwich Artist is recovering from Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. He claims it is from bowling. But you really don't need much wrist action when you average a buck fifty. My damn 10 year old can hit 150. Hell, I think I could bowl 150 blindfolded, duct taped and naked. Of course, that sounds a little more like the situation with which he really became wrist-ineligble. It does not take a rocket scientist or a DBA to figure out that a single guy that couldn't fish out a date with Godiva chocolate and 350 LB test would need his wrists for a little inappropriate behavior. He claims that wasn't the case. Plus it was his off hand that was injured. Sounds like he injured his wrist in a little scenario we like to call 'Stranger in a Strange Land'. You know what they say, a bird in the hand is like Sandwich Artist working his man.

Speaking of self-pleasing, Nosaj had his first confession in a few years. Let us just say, the old dude on the other side of the screen got an earful. He just saved the $3.95 it would have cost to get that kind of descriptiveness off of cable tv. Ole Nosaj says 'You can't treat yourself like an amusement park?' 'What about enlisting the service of others?' 'Wow. This is gonna be hard.'

I want to give a big shout out to the BIG TEN. What a load of crap. Six teams and you can't get ONE into the sweet sixteen. Weak. At least you will have a good seat and a short bathroom line for the finals. Losers. And another shout out to the Indiana fans. I hope Davis comes back to haunt you racists. Go back and get your Hoosiers DVDs out and see the white guys beat the black guys, there is always next year.

Good news. Sandwich Artist has been given a promotion at work. OK, it is not a REAL promotion. He gets no more money, no special new title, but we did let him move his seat and now one of the SAs yells at him several times a day. The best part is he feels important and he doesn't complain about the abuse. Any attention is good attention, I suppose. I guess it doesn't take much when you are a grown man and your crowning achievement in life so far is to win a title belt that YOU created and YOU battle with ONE other guy to win every week and the competition is????? Friggin ATARI. Rock on dude. As another moe, Freddy Mercury once said, 'You are the champion my friend.'

Bad Decisions

Sometimes in life you make bad decisions. The hard part about it is you don't know they are bad at the time. But, after looking back, you wish you could change them. Here are a couple.

- Saving that $2000. your silly brother wanted you to invest in Microsoft back in the 80's so you could buy that new dirt bike.

- Moving to Tornado Alley so you could escape a little traffic.

- Telling your life's story to the poligrapher when she only asked you your name.

- Moving 75 miles away from work to get a bigger yard that you now have to mow every week.

- IMing your ex-flame AT HOME and getting caught.

- Meeting your blind date and starting the conversation with a recap of your latest computer golf tournament.

A Good Day

There are some weekend days that are cool. Some that just blow. Today is a pretty good day. First we had a hockey game instead of the usual Saturday morning practice. Like my boy AI always says, "Practice? We talking bout practice?" We won. Even better. Then on to a St. Pattys Day Parade at the local brewery of all places.
The only downer of the day so far was when I called Nosaj and then the inlaws to invite them to the parade. Nosaj and family are already going. OK. Don't call the Jiggster and invite him. That's cool. So I invite the inlaws and lo and behold, the freaks are not only already going but them and their friggin adopted greyhounds are IN THE PARADE. You would think one of the a-holes could pick up the phone and call me. I mean, beer, food, and watching the inlaws march through the streets behind their mutts?? What more could a guy want.
Parade was weak and quick but the kids loved it. Beer line was long but the reward was sweet. Then I come home and the kids are playing in the yard at Casa de Jiggy. I am on the backporch working the wireless internet, blogging and watching kids. And tonight? Oh yeah.
Get your minds out of the gutter freaks. Tonight is all about college basketball. Even though my team got a beat down last night, there is plenty on tap this evening. Fresh brewery beer in the fridge and b-ball on the set. Gotta love America. USA, USA, USA.

Not Edgar

Why, oh why, did they have to knock off Edgar?? They could have gotten rid of Jack's girlfriend or C. Thomas Howell. Really. This isn't the friggin Outsiders. I know people gotta work but C. Thomas?? I would rather see Doogie Howser out there banging Kim. Oh well it was still a good episode.
What is worse than being sick? Being sick when you already are off work. If you can't use a sick day, it almost takes the fun out of being ill. Maybe this is just God's way of making me lose weight. Kinda like he says 'Hey fatass, if you won't pull away from the plate, I will make you sick. You gotta stop eating one way or another.'
Being on death's bed has me wondering about the Quad again. He goes away for a state mandated vacation, comes back with a vengence and disappears again. I find it almost impossible to believe he has broken his parole already. Dude, alls you had to do was stay 100 from her. You can do it, man. I know you can. I hope you don't get Adebisi in your cell again. FREE THE QUAD. FREE THE QUAD.
On a lighter note, Lumpy has given me a great gift. No, not the turd he left in the cat box. He is finally starting to socialize out in the midwest and he got invited to a party. Being off the suicide watch would be present enough but he told about his invite to the party. The dude out there has much more class than the Jigster. I preface my invites with warnings of NO SWILL BEER. While this distinguished gentleman politely asks for guests to bring their favorite NON-TRADITIONAL BEER. Now, how classy is that? Props to the midwesterner. Now, I would love to see his face when the Lumpster rolls in with his non-traditional Mickey's BigMouth. Don't see that everyday now do ya??

It is all how you look at it

If you are Catholic, then you probably know it is the Season of Lent. If you are not Catholic then you are probably not reading this because you are too busy killing goats in the backyard. For the rest of us, Lent is a time of sacrifice. Each person chooses something to give up as a small token to our Lord for the sacrifices he made for us. You know, the whole cross thing and the forgiving of sins and letting us into heaven things. So my family decided to give up dining out for the 40 days as our sacrifice. So imagine my shock upon completion of my brown bag turkey sandwiches as I phone the wife to see what she and my brood of children have eaten for lunch. Chik-Fil-a. Wow. She stayed strong for almost two days. So being the caring husband I am, I show compassion and understanding. I explain, it is not that big of a deal, I mean he wasn't up on the cross that long anyways was he? And, darn, how hot could it really be down there? Seriously, she has been to Florida in August, Hell can't be much warmer than that, now can it?

Of course, as usual, I ended up eating my words. Not as tasty as a Number #5 from Chik-Fil-a would have been, I bet. But she is upset and explains how the infraction on day two happened. She was taken said brood to Sears so my darling 4 year old daughter can get her 4 year pictures taken. We wouldn't want anyone to forget how she looked between 3 year old pictures and 5 year old pictures. Feel free to use the PayPal button on the Superjiggye.com page to donate to the picture fund. Anyhow, they arrive at Sears and are greeted by, let us call her, Big Betty. Now my 4 year old and Big Betty met once before during a Christmas picture session. BB as I will call her is a tad bit overweight and (how do I say this politely) a bit musty. Now you know kids do and say the darnedest things. So little miss say-what-i-think held her nose and said the picture lady stinks during the Christmas picture fest. Well we side stepped that one with a little, daddy-had-gas white lie.

Let us just say that dear wife did not get off that easy today. At first site of BB, 4 year old starts screaming and holding her nose. Wifey tries to intervene and calm the situation, offering whatever will calm the actions and the mouth of the 4 year old. Enter Chik-Fil-a. After promises of lollipops and candy for the silence and 30 minutes of picture taking, 4 year old takes it to the next level. BUT MOM, SHE STINKS AND SHE IS SOOOOOOOO BIG. Ok, now that is a whole nother level. That is like, Emeril and his BAM nother level. Needless to say, the bribe stood at silence for chicken. And that is how the sacrifice was unsacrificed. So I sort of understand it. My only question now is who am I gonna be shacked up with in Heaven while I am dropping ice water down to my old lady??