Mistake on the Lake

I just got back from Cleveland. Great city. Just too damn cold. They couldn't have sent me there in the summer or fall??? I did very little sight seeing since it was winter and, did I mention, cold? I saw the baseball stadium and the hoops arena and a huge poster of Lebron. Wonder what they will do with that when he leaves town too.

I also found a great deli close to where I was that had a monstrous Stromboli. Just what my waistline needed.

Oh, I almost forgot. It is supposed to be a huge cornhole playing area. I looked up a restaurant that supposedly had it and I went in, only to have the entire redneck bar stop their conversation and stare at me. I looked around, saw no cornhole boards and left without saying a word to anyone. Talk about out of place.
And you can also see my ghetto cooler.

Next time I have to get a hotel with a fridge.

Waterpark and New Shoes

This week was a busy one. We got the stove working again. No more crock pot meals for a while. Monday I took the family to an indoor waterpark. I think all the kids had a good time. They must have because I was beatdown tired. I don't think I could walk any more steps after going up to the water tubes about a dozen times. I also don't think there are any other men in the entire state besides me that do not have tattoos. The economy obviously hasn't hurt tattoo artists. They are staying busy.

Then yesterday the wife and kids were at Chick Fil A. They have a play area there. The kids were playing and then some woman stole one of my kids shoes. Now that might sound outrageous but it started a little simpler. She mistakenly took my kids shoes which were the same brand and similar size as her kids shoes. My wife and mother-in-law tried to reason with the woman but she got all ignorant and wouldn't choke up the shoes. They offered to compare the shoes together. No dice. So they threatened to call the cops and she got all friendly. No, actually she went into the bathroom with the shoes and wouldn't come out. Nice. So the wife took the other shoes and went home defeated. Mother-in-law hung out for a while to try to get the ladys license plate number but she wouldn't come out of the shitter. So the ironic part was our new shoes are actually bigger than the old ones. So now that winch is home trying to jam her kids foot into the smaller shoe. Life sucks sometimes.

TV Dinners

I have an excuse for my lack of blogging. I am lazy. OK.

Now in my defense there has been a little going on lately. I had to work at home for a couple of weeks and I was real busy and the kids were driving me crazy. AND the stove broke. It broke a week ago and the soonest someone could look at it was over the weekend. That is about all he did, look at it. He told me it was installed sloppily and a wire came loose and burned up some other wire. Who knows. All I know is I paid someone to install the damn thing a few years ago and it is under warranty. All he knew was he had to order parts and I was gonna be eating microwave food for another week and a half.

So we have been eating out and eating crockpot meals and ordering Dominos and grilling out and hauling food to the inlaws to cook it. It sucks no matter how you break it down. The wife tried to use it as a sign of God that she shouldn't be cooking. I said God wouldn't want you to be single again so I am sure that is not what he had in mind.

Imagine your dream scenario, working from home. No commute, no headaches. Then imagine a dog, cat and seven kids are there to help you. I am getting so much more done now that I am back at the office. I enjoyed eating lunch with the kids each day and not waking up at the crack of midnite, but there is not a big enough lock to keep those monsters away from me.

The biggest new thing is the Wii Fit. We have been playing that for a few weeks now. The kids absolutely love to watch me do the hula hoop. They have gone so far as to pull out the video camera. The wife got something like 280 spins and one of the kids 290. My first attempt 2. Not two hundred, not even twenty two. TWO. I think a no legged man would give me a run for my money in this game. I was able to follow that turn up with another TWO. Needless to say I won't be joining the National team.

Icy day at home

Today I am surrounded by all the kids and even the Nosaj spawn. Well the wife at least took the baby with her on her little escape. So since I have so many kids to watch, I have hidden myself and am playing on the computer. What a good babysitter I am. Actually I had to upload some pics to Craigslist to try to unload some furniture. So I figured I would upload some pics here too.

I am too lazy to put the captions under each one right now. So the first is the kids playing outside yesterday. That is when the dog escaped and was gone for four hours. I love animals. Then there is proof that we still have the dog, then a shot of the baby and then one of me and the boy sporting Ovie jerseys. The last one is not implying anything. I am by no means saying that I force my wife to carry around a baby AND vacuum the damn floor. I am not saying that at all. And to all of you sexist people that think that is what that picture is all about, shame on you.

Heart Wall Pain

This could very well be my last post ever. I have what we in the medical field like to call Chest Wall Pain.

So I wake up Tuesday and my chests hurts. I go through work on Tuesday, it hurts all day. Wednesday I am home with the kids and it hurts all day. So Wednesday night I go to the hospital. Did you know that when you tell them at the hospital that you have chest pains, you don't wait in the waiting room. Awesome. So a couple of EKGs and chest Xrays later, not to mention the two stab wounds from taking blood and they send me home. Oh and six hours of hospital time for good measure. And the verdict? No heart attack, nothing. Go home faker. So here it is Friday and it still hurts. If it is not better by Monday, I will make an appointment at my doctors office. I love getting old. I was really just hoping it was gas.



On the Wednesday that I was home, before my hospital stay, I spent quality time with the kids. The first hour of quality time was at Sears Portrait Studio. It could have been twenty minutes less had one of my beautiful daughters decided to smile through the first twenty attempts at family pictures. After a quick, quiet conversation in the hall with just me and my lovely little child, the pictures went much smoother.

The next two hour joyfest was at the dentist. Two hours in a waiting room with my herd and half of the local community. I can now say that I have seen Ratatouille. Great movie. Great, great movie. So those criminals now have most of my cash. They want to put braces on one of my darling spawn. If only it could have been the non-smiler and I could have taken care of both issues and removed all her teeth, but no.

My upstairs shower leaked through the ceiling downstairs. Turned out to be a pipe got a tiny hole in it and soaked the ceiling. Couple hundred dollars later and I have a sky light of sorts. Now me and a friend are going to try to fix it. Oh the fun never stops.

On the bright side, the dog is still alive.

Boards

So my new cornhole boards are done. I still have not received them. Of course I still haven't paid for them either so I guess that is ok. Here is a picture of the beauties. Don't be jealous. I also got my cornhole 'Drain O' shirt in the mail today. Now when I beat you, I will be doing it in style.



Seriously, those are some awesome ass boards aren't they? Click on them to see a larger picture, you know you want to.

Tomorrow is filling day at the dentist. I told the oldest that the Novocaine only feels like a little bee sting. A bee that is as big as a whale and is as hot as lava. But a bee sting none the less. I am a great father.

Resolutions

One of my resolutions this year is to post to the blog more often. I was kind of slack last year, but I plan on doing better this year. Another resolution is to lose weight. That one probably won't go as well. At least I am not foolish enough to get a gym membership just because the Wii Fit said I was a lard ass (dad). I don't need a high tech toy to let me know I am a little on the bigger side.

New year, new disease. Remember the family I wrote about from New Year's Eve. I forgot to tell you they brought a present. Puking. So far one of my monsters has yakked and a couple others have the runs. And now one of the Hawkman children are also ill. Usually the Hawkmen bring the disease, not take it away. So to all the Hawkmen, I sincerely apologize for your illnesses. But really it wasn't my fault. Usually new cases break out in the evening in our house, so I can't wait to go home from work.

My finances just got a little better. Yesterday I got a call that one of the kids has a cavity to be filled, one has to get a cap on his cavity because he got the filling knocked out (when I slammed him into the soccer goalpost a couple of months ago) and the third has a cavity and needs some type of other work. Well this colossal bill just got lighter. I learned that the dentist gives the kids gas before he gives them the shot. This gas costs $75. Hell No. My son will be introduced to the world of no-gas shots this week. I told him just to imagine it is a beesting in his mouth and to learn to brush his damn teeth better. This ain't the Bank of America.

2008 Wrap Up

I just have a few stories remaining from 2008. So I will get them out of the way and we can focus on 2009 because it is a 'new day'.

On Christmas day we had the wife's family over for dinner. We went to church earlier in the day and the wife had invited the priest over for dinner. Only we didn't tell the inlaws. I wish I could have captured the shock on their faces when he rolled in the door. Imagine Nosaj on his best behavior for a couple of hours. The funniest part was when he asked them if they were from out of town because he never sees them at church. Classic.

You already saw my pictures from the National tree. I am sure you loved the one taken by granny with half our heads chopped off. Nosaj got some random person to snap his family picture. He made out a little better than me. When asked how he picked the person to take the picture, he replied that he chose someone he thought he could outrun so they wouldn't be able to make off with his camera. Nice.

On New Years Eve we had the Nosaj family, the inlaws, the Hawkmen and another family over for festivities. Let me break down the evening for the unnamed family. Roll in and attack the food like a swarm of locusts, pillage the beer like hearty sailors and have one of their kids blindside one of my Christmas trees, knocking it over and scattering broken ornaments all around. Then roll out. Not a bad appearance. However, they missed late nite Cornhole matches. To say it was cold would be a vast understatement. It was beyond fridgid. But there was too much smack talking to not play the games. So we bundled up and played for around three hours, right up until midnight. We had to take a small break for Nosaj to run home and get his boards, his kerosene heater and firepit. The heater was not a real help but you sure stayedd warm on the firepit side. After three hours we still ended up tied and that was probably best. I think Nosaj and the Hawkman were close to coming to blows with all their smack talk.
.But probably the best story of the holiday season is from the father in law. He drives for a brown delivery service. During the last month of the year he gets all kinds of goodies from people on his route. This year he got a more than generous gift from a local school, a $20 Starbucks gift card. However, when he went to use it there was only a $1.32 balance left on it. Can you imagine the inner glee of the chick personally handing him a mostly used up card, knowing she had enjoyed the rich, aroma-filled flavor of her favorite brew earlier that day - at his expense. Awesome.

Christmas Time Too

Ok you have seen the pictures. Now a couple quick stories. This is like my Christmas letter to you all. You know the one where people tell you how great their life is what has been going on all year.


First of all, I am going on a diet in January. I have gotten to the edge of the jean size so I must scale back. When the jeans are too tight, that is my barometer. So until January, I plan on eating like a friggin machine. So to help me in my endeavor, my local McDonalds has brought back the McRib. You can just never get enough McRibs. I had four the first weekend. I plan on a few more before the year ends.

Before Christmas, we had the baptism for our latest. It is too hard to remember names, so we shall just say number seven. The Hawkmen came up from NC to be the Godparents and didn't even bring an illness. So we have invited them back for New Year's Eve. I am sure there is a disease waiting to happen here soon.

Christmas went off without a hitch. We had Christmas at my parents, then Christmas at the wifes grandmothers, then Christmas at home, then Christmas with the wifes parents. I think the kids got enough. I got my jersey. And some of these. Nice.







Here is a picture of me and the wife at church on Christmas.






Here is a picture of me and little number seven in D.C. at the National Christmas Tree. What a wonderful father I must be to take my kids to one of the worst crime cities in the county, at night.







Number seven still doesn't sleep much at night. I have been off work most of the month so it hasn't bothered me that much. Next month I might be getting grouchy with no sleep and no food.

The dog is still alive. She hasn't escaped the house in the last month, but not because she isn't trying.

So everyone have a great New Years Eve and I will write much more often in 2009.

Christmas Time

I know I am worthless. I haven't updated this in a month. Would you believe I have been a little busy? So here are some quick Christmasy pictures and stories.

This first one is little Cecilia with her new best friend Brobee. It says stuff when you touch its hand, like 'I'm Brobee dammit.'




This next one is what happens when you let old people touch electronics. The picture is only half as funny when you can't see her holding the digital camera above her head and moving it around trying to get us in the viewfinder.







This is me with my smooooth Ovechkin jersey.




This is me with my sister and parents. I am the fat guy on the right, as opposed to the fat guy in the red.





This is the rough draft of our Christmas card. If you got a card, you will notice the diaper rack and other useless items have been removed. I guess I could have just moved them before I took the picture but then how would SteelerFanBoy practice his Photoshop skills?