I just can't get enough of the wife working in the evening. Just think, if she was here I probably wouldn't get to watch Monday Night Football AND find my new best friend Eddy J. Check out his web page This especially goes out to Lumpy and Nosaj and their misguided love affair with all things green and cheesy.
Here is EddyJ or is it Lumpy?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Football is Back
I am sitting here watching the Ravens continue to turn the ball over to the Bengals and yet are still winning. Over the weekend, I like all red blooded homo men, participated in a fantasy football league. Fantasy = fake = not real. But everybody is doing it. So I traded Romo and he had a huge game. And I tried to trade McNabb and he had an average game. But the rub there is, I tried to trade him to The Schweet but he chose to trade for Eli Manning. It was a good move considering Eli had a huge numbers game. Oh wait, Eli is hurt for over a month??? Wow. I will be awaiting your call tomorrow Schweet. All this gay talk is just a setup for this video I found. Since I gave you Ebone last week screaming about his Bills, here is Lumpy serenading his MAN. Enjoy.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Mountain Man
It is Monday night and it is late. I want to run through this blog quickly. Here is the weekend. Friday I worked from home and then ran some errands. Nothing too exciting. I finished up my work from home a little early and I called Lumpy. He was also working from home on Friday. His consisted of watching men work at his house. Lumpy is the man.
Saturday was yard work. The yard now looks like a park or nature preserve. It looks sweet. Basically I edged it this time. The neighbor that doesn't like me actually stopped me just to chit-chat. I was surprised. I expected him to attack me but it was all good. I must be rubbing off on him.
Sunday was Church and chilling. I didn't do too much. That was a good thing.
Monday was the holiday. So what does the old lady suggest? Hiking in the mountains. Wow. Didn't see that coming. I was jazzed. No big deal. I just took the kids on two miles by myself a few weeks ago. Not a problem. There is, I realized, a difference between two miles on a battlefield which FLAT and two and a half miles on MOUNTAIN which is STEEP and the difference wasn't the half mile. We walked straight down a mountain to see a waterfall. I expected Niagra when I got there. Then we had to hoof it straight up to get back to the car. I fully was prepared to just lay there on a rock and wait for the rangers. I was beat. The wife and I carried various children for various parts of the trip. They all seemed to have fun though. Except the baby, or as I like to call her, Satan's child. She wouldn't let me carry her to save my life. Save the wife's actually. The poor woman was beat down. And as soon as I tried to grab the little winch, she would scream and carry on and beat me about the head and face. She almost got a first hand look at a quick descent down the side of the mountain. Here are some pics. Enjoy.
Saturday was yard work. The yard now looks like a park or nature preserve. It looks sweet. Basically I edged it this time. The neighbor that doesn't like me actually stopped me just to chit-chat. I was surprised. I expected him to attack me but it was all good. I must be rubbing off on him.
Sunday was Church and chilling. I didn't do too much. That was a good thing.
Monday was the holiday. So what does the old lady suggest? Hiking in the mountains. Wow. Didn't see that coming. I was jazzed. No big deal. I just took the kids on two miles by myself a few weeks ago. Not a problem. There is, I realized, a difference between two miles on a battlefield which FLAT and two and a half miles on MOUNTAIN which is STEEP and the difference wasn't the half mile. We walked straight down a mountain to see a waterfall. I expected Niagra when I got there. Then we had to hoof it straight up to get back to the car. I fully was prepared to just lay there on a rock and wait for the rangers. I was beat. The wife and I carried various children for various parts of the trip. They all seemed to have fun though. Except the baby, or as I like to call her, Satan's child. She wouldn't let me carry her to save my life. Save the wife's actually. The poor woman was beat down. And as soon as I tried to grab the little winch, she would scream and carry on and beat me about the head and face. She almost got a first hand look at a quick descent down the side of the mountain. Here are some pics. Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
WTF????
Don't you know it. I finish writing a blog. I am ready to go to sleep and I just have to check out one more blog. Of course it ended badly. I stopped by WithLeather the sports blog. And what do I find? Friggin Ebone doing an interview. SOB. This is awesome. You go Ebone. Go Bills. Go friggin Buffalo. Woohoo.
Was that not awesome?
Was that not awesome?
Richard Jewell
Richard Jewell died today. You know him. He was the guy that got blamed for the Olympic Park bombing in 1996. Do you think Eric Robert Rudolph is smiling today. I mean the dude blew people up and Jewell gets blamed. I bet he was laying there in the woods, eating bugs and saying, woohoo they blamed the fat guy. Seriously, I get all giggly when somebody else gets blamed for my fart. This dude got blamed for a bombing. Rest in peace buddy.
On a lighter note, here are some pics.
This is freaky. I have always seen locust shells but never seen an actual locust until now. This dude was leaving the shell.
Our relatives in Fla always shower us with gifts. This one was oh so appropriate. Mr. Mischievious. Oh yes he is.
Here is Nosaj serving. I am sure I sent this one back.
The Jiggy in action.
Now I complain about the garden all the time but it has actually been really good. Below are some pics.
On a lighter note, here are some pics.
This is freaky. I have always seen locust shells but never seen an actual locust until now. This dude was leaving the shell.
Our relatives in Fla always shower us with gifts. This one was oh so appropriate. Mr. Mischievious. Oh yes he is.
Here is Nosaj serving. I am sure I sent this one back.
The Jiggy in action.
Now I complain about the garden all the time but it has actually been really good. Below are some pics.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Funny Funnies
On Sunday night football (Did you know the NFL is less than two weeks away??), John Madden repeated over and over the term huckabuck. He gave him the ole huckabuck. That sure was a huckabuck. Now I am sure there are many definitions for the word and some of them aren't sexual, but damn that was funny.
If you haven't seen this yet, you will enjoy it. Our nation's future is bright.
I am watching the U.S. Open and Justin Gimelstob just lost to Andy Roddick and now he is interviewing him. This is classic. It will be on Youtube tomorrow. The first question he asks, 'So Andy what do you think were the keys to the match, besides the fact that you are way better than me?'. Great television.
If you haven't seen or read the Vick apology. Check this out. Mr. Ron Mexico throws out FOURTEEN You Knows. Awesome public speaking. I think he read it from notes too. Who puts You Knows in their notes??
If you haven't seen this yet, you will enjoy it. Our nation's future is bright.
I am watching the U.S. Open and Justin Gimelstob just lost to Andy Roddick and now he is interviewing him. This is classic. It will be on Youtube tomorrow. The first question he asks, 'So Andy what do you think were the keys to the match, besides the fact that you are way better than me?'. Great television.
If you haven't seen or read the Vick apology. Check this out. Mr. Ron Mexico throws out FOURTEEN You Knows. Awesome public speaking. I think he read it from notes too. Who puts You Knows in their notes??
Where is Jiggy?
Hey. Been busy lately. Spending some of my Internet time over at Trouble with Angels trying to guess the dead guy. Fun game but I haven't won yet. Work has actually kept me working. And I have been working from home and still no free time. I must be doing something wrong. Over the weekend, we did celebrate the wife's and Nosaj's wife's birthdays. Here is a picture of me enjoying some peace and quiet while surrounded by inlaws. They were all inside. I took all the little ones outside and let them run around while I enjoyed my soup and beer alone.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Maxine
Welcome to another Monday. I wish it was Sunday, 'Cause that's my funday, My I don't have to runday, It's just another manic Monday. Thanks to the Bangles for that little uplifting ditty. This weekend went by pretty quickly. But it was not without its charming moments.
Friday I went to lunch with the family. Always a good time. It actually wasn’t too bad. We dined at Chez Cici’s. The kids love it and I can tolerate it. Then we took the girls to their knitting class. We left them there despite my protests so they could watch the premiere of High School Musical 2. If you don’t know what this is, thank your lucky stars. I have known about this phenomenon for a while now, but I have been avoiding it. The kids were none the wiser. But our great friends, the Hawkmen, from North Carolina subjected my children to the soundtrack from the first movie on a recent trip. They can’t stop singing the songs. So when their friends invited them over to watch the new movie, they were soooo excited. Being the good father I am, I rented the first movie for them and let them watch the second that night. Now they sing the songs and talk about the movies. Thanks again Mrs. Hawkman.
Saturday I took the wife out for her birthday. Now us getting out of the house alone is a rare occasion. So it wasn’t a very glamorous day but it was a day without the kids so it made it all the better. My parents watched the children. They even brought us a new trampoline. Now we had two trampolines already but they were looking a little haggard or so my pops said. We took down one of them and took it to the dump so we could add the new one. So the birthday date went like this. We stopped at the dump to get rid of the trampoline. She dropped me off at the barber to get a haircut while she ran to the bank. We dined at the Bonefish. Good food. Then I went to Costco while she stopped by a store in the mall.
I am tooling around Costco, just loading up my cart when it hit me. Obviously the Wolf Fish went right through me. I phoned the wife and she is on the way. I didn’t want to just leave the cart. So another minute or two elapses. I make a dash toward the front of the store since wifey has not arrived. I find her leisurely perusing the baby clothes. Obviously she did not detect the urgency in my voice over the phone. I thrust the cart at her and trot to the facilities. My business doesn’t take long but I am amused by another stall mate. I hear a constant cycle of heavy breathing followed by a flush and frantic wiping. This cycle is repeated over and over. I left the man in there but I hope he made it out alive. I am glad I didn’t dine with him.
Soon after this all time stands still. We load all the groceries into the vehicle and head home. But wifey suggests we stop at Walmart to get a few things we couldn’t get at Costco. We shop and fill up a cart. I make my way to the registers while wifey picks up some peaches. I choose lane 18 and Maxine.
Maxine is an older woman, but she has one of the shortest lines. There is a woman almost done checking out and two full carts behind her accompanied by six illegals. Now I am not POSITIVE they are illegals but they didn’t speak Ingles and they all carried large wads of cash, must probably because they had no bank accounts. So FIFTY MINUTES later, we are done checking out. FIFTY MINUTES. I thought I fell into some kind of time warp. It was the most horrible hour of my life. Maxine moved below snail speed. Once we finally got to the register, I could see the method to her madness. She was there for her work shift and she was going to get paid regardless how slow she was. She was deliberate with her actions. She once dropped a bottle of Worchester sauce on the scanner. She picked it up and caressed it and scanned it to make sure she had not broken it. She commented on purchases. She put one or two items in each bag, not to overcrowd. She would wet her fingers on a wetnap before she attempted to open each plastic bag. She would spend a good ten seconds on each attempted opening of plastic bags. She was the slowest human ever. If she was any slower, she would have moved backwards. So we are almost done and the wife, for some unexplained reason, busts out a coupon. One coupon. Almost two hundred bucks worth of crap in the cart and she busts out a coupon. A dollar coupon. Maxine has to find the items in the cart. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I had to leave. I walked across the isle and chatted up the people at the new WoodForest Bank. One of them was playing Guitar Hero. So after five minutes of scanning the bags for the cereal, we were allowed to leave. FIFTY MINUTES IN LINE. It kind of sucked the life right out of me. We went back home and the parents ran for the hills and their freedom.
Yesterday I got a two hour nap while the baby was asleep. The kids did some stuff during that time. What they did? Who knows. Who cares. I was asleep for TWO HOURS. Heck they could have gone to Walmart and checked out on lane 18 TWICE during that time.
One last note. On the way to town we passed the nursing home and saw an old couple in wheelchairs rolled out into the parking lot, taking in the breeze and watching the traffic on the main thoroughfare. It was romantic and cute. On the way home, the same couple was still there in the same spot. Obviously the same spot since they can’t move. It was no longer romantic and cute but sad. And it was getting dark. Hopefully they hadn’t forgot about them. Hopefully Maxine isn’t responsible for putting them back inside.
Friday I went to lunch with the family. Always a good time. It actually wasn’t too bad. We dined at Chez Cici’s. The kids love it and I can tolerate it. Then we took the girls to their knitting class. We left them there despite my protests so they could watch the premiere of High School Musical 2. If you don’t know what this is, thank your lucky stars. I have known about this phenomenon for a while now, but I have been avoiding it. The kids were none the wiser. But our great friends, the Hawkmen, from North Carolina subjected my children to the soundtrack from the first movie on a recent trip. They can’t stop singing the songs. So when their friends invited them over to watch the new movie, they were soooo excited. Being the good father I am, I rented the first movie for them and let them watch the second that night. Now they sing the songs and talk about the movies. Thanks again Mrs. Hawkman.
Saturday I took the wife out for her birthday. Now us getting out of the house alone is a rare occasion. So it wasn’t a very glamorous day but it was a day without the kids so it made it all the better. My parents watched the children. They even brought us a new trampoline. Now we had two trampolines already but they were looking a little haggard or so my pops said. We took down one of them and took it to the dump so we could add the new one. So the birthday date went like this. We stopped at the dump to get rid of the trampoline. She dropped me off at the barber to get a haircut while she ran to the bank. We dined at the Bonefish. Good food. Then I went to Costco while she stopped by a store in the mall.
I am tooling around Costco, just loading up my cart when it hit me. Obviously the Wolf Fish went right through me. I phoned the wife and she is on the way. I didn’t want to just leave the cart. So another minute or two elapses. I make a dash toward the front of the store since wifey has not arrived. I find her leisurely perusing the baby clothes. Obviously she did not detect the urgency in my voice over the phone. I thrust the cart at her and trot to the facilities. My business doesn’t take long but I am amused by another stall mate. I hear a constant cycle of heavy breathing followed by a flush and frantic wiping. This cycle is repeated over and over. I left the man in there but I hope he made it out alive. I am glad I didn’t dine with him.
Soon after this all time stands still. We load all the groceries into the vehicle and head home. But wifey suggests we stop at Walmart to get a few things we couldn’t get at Costco. We shop and fill up a cart. I make my way to the registers while wifey picks up some peaches. I choose lane 18 and Maxine.
Maxine is an older woman, but she has one of the shortest lines. There is a woman almost done checking out and two full carts behind her accompanied by six illegals. Now I am not POSITIVE they are illegals but they didn’t speak Ingles and they all carried large wads of cash, must probably because they had no bank accounts. So FIFTY MINUTES later, we are done checking out. FIFTY MINUTES. I thought I fell into some kind of time warp. It was the most horrible hour of my life. Maxine moved below snail speed. Once we finally got to the register, I could see the method to her madness. She was there for her work shift and she was going to get paid regardless how slow she was. She was deliberate with her actions. She once dropped a bottle of Worchester sauce on the scanner. She picked it up and caressed it and scanned it to make sure she had not broken it. She commented on purchases. She put one or two items in each bag, not to overcrowd. She would wet her fingers on a wetnap before she attempted to open each plastic bag. She would spend a good ten seconds on each attempted opening of plastic bags. She was the slowest human ever. If she was any slower, she would have moved backwards. So we are almost done and the wife, for some unexplained reason, busts out a coupon. One coupon. Almost two hundred bucks worth of crap in the cart and she busts out a coupon. A dollar coupon. Maxine has to find the items in the cart. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I had to leave. I walked across the isle and chatted up the people at the new WoodForest Bank. One of them was playing Guitar Hero. So after five minutes of scanning the bags for the cereal, we were allowed to leave. FIFTY MINUTES IN LINE. It kind of sucked the life right out of me. We went back home and the parents ran for the hills and their freedom.
Yesterday I got a two hour nap while the baby was asleep. The kids did some stuff during that time. What they did? Who knows. Who cares. I was asleep for TWO HOURS. Heck they could have gone to Walmart and checked out on lane 18 TWICE during that time.
One last note. On the way to town we passed the nursing home and saw an old couple in wheelchairs rolled out into the parking lot, taking in the breeze and watching the traffic on the main thoroughfare. It was romantic and cute. On the way home, the same couple was still there in the same spot. Obviously the same spot since they can’t move. It was no longer romantic and cute but sad. And it was getting dark. Hopefully they hadn’t forgot about them. Hopefully Maxine isn’t responsible for putting them back inside.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Hiking with Kids
This weekend again saw me alone with the monsters. It was only one day this time thank goodness. Of course I had them working. We all enjoyed the beautiful weather on Saturday to cut and edge the grass and then pick vegetables from the garden. I actually got a half hour nap while the baby slept. Then came the hike. I decided I wasn't going to the pool on Saturday. I would save the fun interaction with the inlaws for Sunday. So I took the kids on a hike instead. We have several Civil War battlefields real close to our house. This one was actually within three miles. The trail was two mile through the woods. It started off great. Five of the children were walking or running on the trail and I carried the baby. The baby who had not been able to take a dump for the last couple days. So we get about half a mile into the woods and she resolves that issue. So only 1 1/2 miles left of baby on my shoulders with a deuce in her diaper. Then the next youngest starts to get tired. So now 1 1/4 miles left with carrying him while the oldest boy carries the baby. I managed to get the boy to walk a little at the end and I again took the poopmeister. Not terrible but my legs were a little wobbly toward the end. And I kept praying I wouldn't get lost in the woods (they were pretty thick) with all the kids. Then that evening I played a little kickball against the monsters. They think they won but I am pretty sure I was the victor.
Then Sunday came and the wife made an appearance at the home. We went to church and I finally had to give in and go to the inlaws. I was afraid glass tables would come crashing down on me but I managed to avoid injury. The mother in law was out shopping with Mrs. Nosaj. The father in law hid inside watching Tiger. Nosaj passed off his spawn on my wife and we bailed to play tennis leaving her with seven kids at the pool. So Nosaj's kid managed to be ok, but my youngest fell in and landed on the next youngest and they both went under. Glad I missed it. The wife managed to scoop them both out and all disaster was averted. Well almost all disaster. There was still the tennis.
I know I have been whining about a sore shoulder and finger all summer. I know I am getting older. I know my skills my have lapsed. But I come with no more excuses. The shoulder is fine now. I did not feel any pain at all yesterday. That cannot be used as an excuse for my performance. The way Nosaj just trounced me again yesterday embarrassed me. OK. Wait. I just wanted to build it up a little bit. I AM BACK. MY GAME IS BACK. Imagine the pain of coming out to tennis, having just beaten me convincingly the last time we played and feeling like you had gotten over the hump. Imagine that and then imagine this, 6-0, 6-2. Bitter pill to swallow I am sure. Now I am not going to get crazy and say I will never lose again, but DAMN. I was on fire. Backhands, forehands, monster serves, rushing the net. I must give Nosaj some props. He didn't cry. I am sure it was hard to keep those tears at bay. He has a shot at redemption this week. We will play on Tuesday. I will keep you posted.
Then Sunday came and the wife made an appearance at the home. We went to church and I finally had to give in and go to the inlaws. I was afraid glass tables would come crashing down on me but I managed to avoid injury. The mother in law was out shopping with Mrs. Nosaj. The father in law hid inside watching Tiger. Nosaj passed off his spawn on my wife and we bailed to play tennis leaving her with seven kids at the pool. So Nosaj's kid managed to be ok, but my youngest fell in and landed on the next youngest and they both went under. Glad I missed it. The wife managed to scoop them both out and all disaster was averted. Well almost all disaster. There was still the tennis.
I know I have been whining about a sore shoulder and finger all summer. I know I am getting older. I know my skills my have lapsed. But I come with no more excuses. The shoulder is fine now. I did not feel any pain at all yesterday. That cannot be used as an excuse for my performance. The way Nosaj just trounced me again yesterday embarrassed me. OK. Wait. I just wanted to build it up a little bit. I AM BACK. MY GAME IS BACK. Imagine the pain of coming out to tennis, having just beaten me convincingly the last time we played and feeling like you had gotten over the hump. Imagine that and then imagine this, 6-0, 6-2. Bitter pill to swallow I am sure. Now I am not going to get crazy and say I will never lose again, but DAMN. I was on fire. Backhands, forehands, monster serves, rushing the net. I must give Nosaj some props. He didn't cry. I am sure it was hard to keep those tears at bay. He has a shot at redemption this week. We will play on Tuesday. I will keep you posted.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Negligence
Yesterday the wife took the family for a friendly, peaceful day at the inlaw's pool. The father-in-law always complains that he doesn't see his grandchildren enough. So she took the time to swelter in the heat just to make him happy. And how does he treat them?? By allowing them to sit at the Table of Death. While they were attempting to enjoy their lunch, this horror show explodes (probably due to the lack of crabs he has served me from it) and sends glass shards all over my family. I don't really like lawyers but I think I might have to be forced to enlist a couple of them to take care of the minor details involved with this incident. Pain and suffering, personal injury, emotional scars. Oh the horror.
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