Fantasy Football

I have always heard that people play fantasy football because they can't play real football. This is true for the most part, especially in my league. The only guy that is halfway athletic, besides me of course, always ends up ill, or crippled. However, I learned this weekend that I can do both. Not only did I continue to beat the snot out of the chumps in both of my fantasy football leagues, but I threw down a little ass-whomping on Nosaj on the gridiron.



First things first. My fantasy team is not really that good. It just happens that each week I play a team they have their worst performance of the season. Which is great for me. I have scored so few points, yet I am in first place and I get to talk crap all day long at work. This burns up the guys even more. It would be bad enough if I had a great team and was beating them like they stole something. But I have a bad team that just sneaks up on them and stomps a mudhole in their ass each week.



This weekend we had a birthday party for one of my spawn. Of course pretty much every weekend involves some kind of birthday party when you have enough kids. So on this particular weekend, the crowd was lighter than usual. This enabled me to partake in some football. I got to run around and catch some passes. The women said they had never seen me run so fast. My oldest son said I was moving faster than he had ever seen me. Then the next day saw a fat rescue guy on tv and said that he reminded him of me running. Not the worst part though. The next day I could barely move. I pulled a groin, or two, or three. I don't know. Alls I know is some of the moves I was doing on the field, obviously took a toll on this forty-year old body. Now I know why I play cornhole, much less movement.