So most of you read This article about American canceling flights and just ignored it like me. But The Human Tumor had to live it. Tumor was bailing out on his family and going to Vegas for the weekend. Vegas, baby, Vegas. So he calls me tonight at 7:05pm. I assume he is just busting my chops that he is in Vegas and I am not. Well, no. He is in a dirty cab driving from Dulles to Reagan National to try and catch like his fifth flight option of the day. Obviously he was booked on American and has been at the airport since 11am. He whined about missed flights, almost boarding planes, walking from carrier to carrier across the airport. I felt bad but then I realized he was leaving his family for four days of fun out west. Sorry bout your luck buddy. Next time, go to Hooters, eat some wings and go home to your kids.
In other news, the Hawkman family is coming to town. I have already met my deductible so bring it on. I am afraid of no illness. They are coming to town just in time to see the curtain call for our little puppy. She is on the way out. I tried letting her sleep in our room, didn't work. I tried to make the cage a friendly place, didn't work. I tried it all. So last night I bathed her and cleaned her cage spotlessly. I decided to try not putting newspaper in the cage so she wouldn't shed and drool all over it and spread it all over the room. So she decides she will shit in the cage without newspaper, dance all over the shit and drool all over the shit. I thought someone actually beat the shit out of her. So after another bath and cage cleaning, she has decided to sleep on the back porch tonight. I blocked off part of the cage because someone said she needs a smaller cage. But tonight she will only be crapping outside. My house might still stink tomorrow but it won't be because of her.
I am taking orders for vegetables this year. You can email me and place your order. I accept all forms of cash and even Paypal. Don't miss out on the jumbo tomatoes.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Check your stores
I found one of these at the local mall. It was in one of those cool stores all the hipsters frequent.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Why Me?
Anybody looking for a puppy? Real cheap. So we are still having trouble with the cute, little monster. I took her to the vet yesterday for shots and realized I am much better looking when I have a little puppy with me. ALL the women were striking up conversations with me. I was the center of attention. I was kind of like Nosaj at a gay bar on Sadie Hawkins Day.
Well I explained that the mutt cries and whines and drools excessively when she is in the crate. The highly trained and highly paid veterinarian looked over her glasses at me threw this wisdom at me. ‘She must be anxious about the crate’ REALLY?????? Damn lady. Thanks. You are a savior. How can I ever thank you for that astute analysis?
She proposed putting treats in the crate. – Already tried it. The Doginator drools all over them unless she is real wound up, then she pisses and craps all over them and drools on them for good measure.
She proposed putting the crate in our bedroom at night. – Did that last night. Lasted 10 minutes and I was moving the crate back downstairs.
She proposed putting food and water in the crate during the day with the door open to encourage her to go in. – Now the dog is dehydrated because she would rather die than go in that infernal cage. Gotta love pets.
I would like to say I have good news on other fronts but I don’t. The father-in-law has this Thai place he goes to EVERY week. There have been pictures of it on here before. I have been there many, many times too. He gets free drinks there. He is treated like royalty there. Hell they even like Nosaj there. Well they are closing, going out of business. They informed us a few weeks ago. I am upset because they have good food and a large selection of beer. But the father-in-law? Suicidal. It is like taking Cheers away from Norm.
And even worse news for Nosaj since he found this out right before he learned that his man-crush Brett Favre was retiring. Dude you lost your favorite restaurant and your idol in the same month. And you are from Wisconsin. Just end it man.
Weather is starting to get warmer. It is almost garden time. I am going to pick up some potatoes today on the way home from work. The kids were raking out the plot yesterday. I can almost taste those summer tomatoes right now. And I have some cool new pics that I will try to get up here today. You will like my new shirt.
Well I explained that the mutt cries and whines and drools excessively when she is in the crate. The highly trained and highly paid veterinarian looked over her glasses at me threw this wisdom at me. ‘She must be anxious about the crate’ REALLY?????? Damn lady. Thanks. You are a savior. How can I ever thank you for that astute analysis?
She proposed putting treats in the crate. – Already tried it. The Doginator drools all over them unless she is real wound up, then she pisses and craps all over them and drools on them for good measure.
She proposed putting the crate in our bedroom at night. – Did that last night. Lasted 10 minutes and I was moving the crate back downstairs.
She proposed putting food and water in the crate during the day with the door open to encourage her to go in. – Now the dog is dehydrated because she would rather die than go in that infernal cage. Gotta love pets.
I would like to say I have good news on other fronts but I don’t. The father-in-law has this Thai place he goes to EVERY week. There have been pictures of it on here before. I have been there many, many times too. He gets free drinks there. He is treated like royalty there. Hell they even like Nosaj there. Well they are closing, going out of business. They informed us a few weeks ago. I am upset because they have good food and a large selection of beer. But the father-in-law? Suicidal. It is like taking Cheers away from Norm.
And even worse news for Nosaj since he found this out right before he learned that his man-crush Brett Favre was retiring. Dude you lost your favorite restaurant and your idol in the same month. And you are from Wisconsin. Just end it man.
Weather is starting to get warmer. It is almost garden time. I am going to pick up some potatoes today on the way home from work. The kids were raking out the plot yesterday. I can almost taste those summer tomatoes right now. And I have some cool new pics that I will try to get up here today. You will like my new shirt.
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