Very Merry

Christmas has come and gone. I would like to personally thank the following businesses for draining my wallet. American Girl Doll company, Pottery Barn Kids Corp, and Gymboree Corp. There were other players in the mix but none had the uncanny ability of these three to so thoroughly abuse my paycheck.

Let me recall the highlights of the first week of my vacation. The first night after I got off of work I took three boys (two of them mine) to see the Caps game. It was the first Caps game for my two. It was the first actually hockey game for my youngest. They had a blast. I did too. The seats were great. We were eight rows up, center ice. The night was perfect except for when I got up and kicked over half of my seven dollar beer. I couldn't have just grabbed a five or six dollar Bud to kick over. Nope. Had to grab a Heine. The better beer when you are punting it amongst the seats.

There was going to a bar and watching football on Sunday with Nosaj. No guys tried to pick him up here so that was nice. But his Packers got walloped so he cried the whole time. I had on a Bills jersey in honor of E-bone, plus they were playing the Giants but it didn't help. And did you know you can actually see THROUGH a Miller Lite. It is like drinking urine flavored water or so I've heard. But the were on 2 dollar special so I knocked out a half dozen and complained about it the whole time.

There was the last minute shopping. Actually I went out early on Thursday and Friday mornings and had no hassles. I also went out Christmas Eve to buy food for Christmas dinner and met no snags either. The early bird beats the rush. I did get to see people filing into Costco at 10:00 when they opened on Friday morning. It was unbelievable. I was only there to pick up my Christmas cards I had done online the night before. So if you don't have it, it should be there soon. The didn't get mailed until Saturday afternoon. Nothing like last minute. Seventy five of those babies went out. There was the shock when I only paid 20 bucks for 75 cards and then twice that much for stamps. Damn lazy postmen.

Christmas eve had my parents over to exchange presents with us. Not much of an exchange for them. They show up with a car full of presents and walk out with a couple of items. But they keep coming back so I guess they haven't figured it out.

Then comes the evening meal at the wife's grandmothers. She only has to open the door. Everything else is done for her. And yet there were still issues. We decided to make it easier on the mother-in-law who had tons of presents and had made or bought all the food and move the festivities to her house. Oh no. Grannie says no. She can't be rearranged like that at the last minute. We must all come to her house. Personally I didn't care. Couple of beers and it doesn't matter where I am. Then crazy Grannie kept talking about this friggin cake she made. Said it was called 'Better than Sex Cake'. Well I am sure when you haven't had it in 100 years, cake is probably better. But I don't need you spouting the name all night in front of my kids. If she said it one more time it was gonna be 'Pillow over the old lady's head Cake'. But it was a good evening. Except....

Nosaj got a new camera and somehow deleted all the pictures he took of Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. No pictures of Little Nosaj opening gifts. He hit a button to reset the camera to the factory defaults. Mrs. Nosaj was unpleased. And Father-in-law was sooooo very understanding. We got great one-liners all Christmas Day like 'Reset man' and 'Don't blame me, it's not my default' (that was my favorite). Santa or St. Nicholas as he is called in our abode wasn't as generous as both sets of grandparents. We limited the fat guy (not you dad) to three gifts per kid.

It seems like we are celebrating Hannakuh here. With all the different gift opening opportunities. The kids won't get their presents from us until the Epiphany in a few days. By then, I am sure they will have broken some of the other stuff anyways. I will get some pictures up soon.

That Nosaj Sure Is Cute

It has been over a week since I last wrote you. I have some good stuff so let's get to it. First off is Nosaj. I thought I could write a book about one of my high school boys, Red. But, he is soooooo one dimensional compared to Nosaj.

Here is the story as told to me directly by Nosaj. He is unloading his cargo from his truck at one of his many stops. He, if you didn't know already, is a truck driver. He is highly skilled in his profession, and by that I mean he has a driver's license. So here is Nosaj unloading the truck and somebody beeps at him. He turns. Some dude. He waves and like the good little worker bee goes back to unloading. The guy beeps again. Nosaj turns and looks and this time is greeted with a gesture. Nosaj is unprepared for this and says 'Huh?'. Again he unloads. The beeps continue. Obviously Nosaj is not picking up on the vibe. Finally the guy, I repeat guy, offers to take care of a special need for Nosaj. It is too vulgar an act to speak of here. Just imagine Senator Larry Craig in a bathroom stall. Nosaj ignores the dude and finally he goes away.

So these questions immediately come to my mind. What on Earth makes a guy proposition another guy? In a public parking lot at that? And why in the world would he choose Nosaj? Nosaj isn't even attractive to the oppostie sex. And why is Nosaj bragging about this? It is a crazy world we live in.

Little Lumpy - A Chip off the Old Block

I know it has been over a week since my last entry. I have been busy with school. Here is a quick story I could not keep from you. I will try to get some new pics up soon. I got a new phone that has a camera. Welcome to the 19th century for me. I read a review of the phone online, talking about how new and cool it is. Then I saw the article was dated 2004. NICE. Always on the cutting edge. Now on to the story.

As many of you know, Lumpy isn't the most sanitary of people. He has told us of stories of crapping himself, crapping in his buddy's cat box at a party, crapping in his snow suit, and swimming through a river of crap in Thailand. So this is only karma coming back at him.

Last week the Lumpster took his family from the frozen tundra of the midwest to the beautiful sunny west coast. Him, Mrs. Lumpy and the little Lump took a couple flights out to Cali. On one such flight, Little Lump (LL) is giggling and waving at people as they board, then as they sit and then as they try to sleep. Big Lump (BL) has LL on his shoulder and he is just grinning and hollering. So the guy behind him taps him on the arm. Their conversation is below.

Guy - Hey buddy.

BL - Yes, pal?

Guy - Nice kid.

BL - Thanks, comrade.

Guy - You gots a wipe or something?

BL - Wipe?

Guy - You know, a baby wipe so I can wipe his puke off my pants.

BL - OH MY. I am so sorry. Let me get you a drink.

Guy - No problem. It will be worth it just to watch you wipe all the puke off your back.

BL - OH MY.

So on the flight back. LL is struggling to take a dump. Not like BL hasn't experienced this before. He just runs his happy ass to the store for some ColonBlow 2000. Well the kid is little so he hooks LL with some prune juice. PRUNE JUICE?? First time fathers. So as they land, BL picks up LL off his lap and realizes that junior put a new meaning into the term soiled. Like all of LL's outfit and most of BL's pants. Try playing that off while getting off the plane.

Stewardess - Nice flight?

BL - Why yes. We had.....

Stewardess - AHHHH. Sir, you have shit all over your pants.

Banged Up Lip

So little man number five had a cavity filled today. They numb his mouth and his lip. They told the wife not to let him eat for a few hours. Wifey learned that you must watch him at all times in the grocery store. Obviously he got a hold of some carrots and was going to town chewing them down. The only problem was he was also gnawing his lip like it was a piece of taffy. But he couldn't feel it and it was gushing blood. So now he looks like this. At least it wasn't on MY shift.

Christmas Tree Downtown

I have been a little lax in my postings, been a little busy. So let me try to catch you up while my little man watches 'Wow, Wow, Wubzy' and the other kids are playing hide-and-seek and screaming and, in all likelihood, destroying my house. Today was dentist day for monsters number four and five. And monster five had a cavity. Couple hundred out of my pocket. Great day. But he was a trooper and didn't cry so I will try not to cry over the bill.

So here is the family in front of the big tree.




This is the tree by itself.




This is the Wisconsin tree in honor of Lumpy who gave the heads up on the parking garage we used again this year.



Speaking of the garage, it was kinda full. There were several parties going on in the building. So it was hard finding a space. Of course, we are driving the biggest vehicle ever made. That made it even more fun. So imagine me standing behind the tank, trying to get the wife to back it up because I made her go down a tunnel that we didn't have the clearance for while Nosaj is behind us trying to backup and there are party goers just trying to get around us to get to their party. The wife was pissed, I was a bit buzzed from dinner and Nosaj and his old lady were battling. A regular riot in the garage we were. We finally got parked in some monthly parking only spots and went on to the trees.

Did I mention that I slept until well past nine on Sunday morning because we went to church on Saturday? I couldn't tell you the last time I slept that late. Hell I played poker the weekend before and didn't get to bed till close to three and I was up at 7 the next morning with the kids. (Yes poker boys. I had to play with others since you won't set up a game.) This was definitely a good break. When I say we went to church, I really mean it. Saturday was a Day of Obligation. Basically a bonus church day scattered throughout the year to keep you on your toes. So we went to Arlington and hit a Latin mass (Yes the whole thing is in a foreign language. And it lasts forever.) and followed that up with an hour at the playground and then back to church for the regular mass.

Did I tell you I went to dinner with this guy recently??