Rest and Relaxation

I was off of work for a week and went back today only to find my cubicle closed off. The jokesters had added a wall in place of a doorway and I had to squeeze in through a tiny opening. Fortunately I am super thin.

But before I forget, I meant to tell you about the trip to Costco the Friday before last. We had a full cart of food and six little monsters running around the cart. Well five after the wife ran over the foot of one little man. He yelped and screamed ‘Mommy don’t run me over no more, I won’t love Daddy the most’. OK. He didn’t say that but he was hollering and screaming. He crawled around for the next two days. He refused to walk on it and we debated taking him to the doctors but he eventually forgot about it or realized he would have to toughen up and live with the pain or else she might do it again.

So a week at home with the family. I can see why people are always killing each other. If I was home much more, I am sure the wife would have run me over with the car instead of the shopping cart. We stayed close to home for the whole week and I still did not accomplish much around the house. I got MOST of the deck stained and sealed. I think it must have rained darn near everyday I was off. I weeded the garden. I replaced the battery in the truck and prayed real hard that was the problem and not something else. (So far, so good.) I had an asthma doctor tell me I was only breathing at 66% of my lung capacity. (Not that I will use that as a tennis excuse except that I will use that as a tennis excuse. – What you guys can’t beat a man using only two-thirds of his lung capacity??). I took the family to the dentist and was told to get a part time job because he can see the future and the future is braces. Damn him.

Now I have to concentrate on how to retaliate against the cubicle jokesters and get used to waking up at 3 AM again.

Just remembered. I am sure that I mentioned my favorite priest that would always come over for free food. Well my food bill has gone down since he switched parishes and we have yet to invite the new priest over to dine. So yesterday we get invited by friends to a community pool. He is back visiting some other friends. He comes over to chat us up and the first words out of his mouth?? “Mmmmmm. Is that pizza?” Some things never change.

Day of the Father

I would have written this earlier but I was still recovering from all the fun of Father’s Day. I started Father’s Day weekend with a hockey tournament trip to Pennsylvania. Now I have heard many bad things about the people from Pennsylvania before but I have never really spent too long in the state. Now I have. TOO LONG. Let me just say that the people of West Virginia are getting a bum deal in the public eye. They have nothing on these dregs of society. What? I went to some hole in the wall, far out place? Nope. State capital. Harrisburg. Wow. I am just happy to be back in my own mixed up state.

So a loooong Saturday led to a truly marvelous Sunday. I got up and hit Mass at 7:30, then I came home and watched the little ones while the wife went to church. Here are some of the fun treats I got instead of breakfast in bed.

1. Laundry
2. Dishes
3. Sweeping
4. Vacuuming


You don’t know fun until you get to vacuum on Father’s Day. All this was followed up with a visit to the inlaws. This always means a visit with Nosaj because if there is free food, you know he is there. Actually for Nosaj the food over there is not really free. Somehow he has been made permanent grill boy for the inlaws. Now a more insecure Jiggy might be offended that they did not choose him to be a griller. That lasts for a smidgen of a second and then I jump back in the pool. Nosaj performed exceptionally well on this fine day. We had kabobs and they were delicious.



Only one acorn found in the grill this time. One day Nosaj is going to lift off that cover and be attacked by the squirrel family. I only hope I have my camera that day.
In another developing story, THIS type of beverage was seen being consumed by the father in law AND Nosaj. And just weeks after making fun of No Tastebuds Guy. More later.


Sunday night saw the baby with a high fever. I decided to take off Monday. My lack of desire to go to work turned that into taking the whole week off. Give me a couple hours and I will give you a post about the first few days of my Vacation at home.

Cukes for Sale

The first of the veggies have been harvested from the Jiggy Garden. These are organic veggies and of great quality. I have had to increase the price a tad only to cover my costs. Any of these cucumbers can be yours for only $49.95. Please email me to set up a meet time. Hurry. I need the cash to buy more tomato cages.

Worst Dad Ever

So this last weekend, the Hawkman family came to town. We met them at Buffalo Wild Wings and then did a little Kohl’s shopping. The addition of the Hawkman family brought our child total to about 50. We split up in the store and I am assigned one kid. One. Well I proceeded to lose him within 10 minutes. I searched, I called for him but nothing. I have to traipse across the store to tell the wife that I have lost our child. When we get back to the scene of the crime, he is hiding in a rack surrounded by women. I was then assigned zero children for the rest of our shopping adventure.

When I say that the Hawkman family was in town, it is not exactly true. Hawkman and his children were there but his old lady and mine were both AWOL all weekend. Their excuse was some conference or another. Regardless, they were not around. They got to miss the thunderstorm at bedtime, the early morning wakeup call from the young children. They just chilled in a hotel and spent money we don’t have. Not that there is anything wrong with it.

They also missed Hawkman losing to me at darts. And they also missed Hawkman slamming some brews and getting all crazy. Oh wait, those things never happened. The Hawkman played a little Wii when he got there and then whined about a sore shoulder, a headache, irritable bowel syndrome, you name it. He was super fun all weekend.

Tennis continued on Tuesday. Mini Les came back to play again for the first time since I abruptly ended his season last year with a dismantling. At least he didn’t hold a grudge. He came out rusty and I jumped on him 2-0. He somehow managed to shake the cobwebs loose and crushed me 6-2. Mini Lumpy also made his first appearance of the season. He might just be the man to beat this season. He put the beat down on the Redneck and then on Mini Les. Sandwich Artist also came out but posted no wins. But at least he didn’t ninja kick my hand.

Bad Parents

A little while ago, Hawkman witnessed something that still disturbs him and his wife. And no, it was not The Tiny Trotters, although it could have been.



What Hawkman saw was me and the wife ripping a tooth out of the mouth of one of our young children. Now this tooth was barely hanging on by a thread, and she was complaining of constant pain, and it was bleeding. But those facts did not ease the pain felt by the Hawkman’s as they watched my child scream and thrash around while we pinned her down to get the dreaded tooth. I think their next comment was “Pack the bags. We are out.” So they would have been in utter horror had they seen the incident we like to call ‘Medicine’. One of our demons got their tonsils out and that causes pain. Well the only way to remove that pain is through medicine. So we were forced to administer this medicine. One such administration resulted in thrashing, biting, spitting, drooling, crying and screaming. I think this is one for the ages. I vowed never to partake in the medicine ritual again. Let her throat ache like the Dickens. I am out. Of course, I get the usual pep talk from my mom. ‘You were just like that when you were a kid’. Right.

Olympics

If seeing a bunch of old, fat guys on the tennis courts isn’t enough for the neighborhood children’s nightmares, now we have begun a new quest. This summer will mark our first Olympic games. We have not finalized the details yet but some of the events are being discussed. Tennis is obviously in, long jump, football punting and throwing and putt-putt have all been mentioned. The most appealing and disgusting event appears to be the Wendy’s Value Menu challenge. Supposedly the rules will be for everyone to order all 11 non-drink items on the Wendy’s Value menu and race to see who can eat the most and keep it down. The things we are willing to do for athleticism.

Tennis is heating up

This week’s installment of tennis 001 saw racquet throwing and the season’s first appearance by the HumanTumor, Ebone and the Shweet. Above all that, it must be noted that the Shweet won his first set ever. He followed that up with his second set win ever as he took the match from the HumanTumor, 6-3, 3-6, 3-2. They called it early because the Tumor must have needed to roll before we could get video footage. Congrats Schweet. I was able to beat up on SteelerFanBoy but was unable to beat Neckbone. Ebone, however, had his first win against the Neckbone. Sandwich Artist and Captain Redneck were unable to make it this week but vow to appear next week. Surprisingly, everyone wants a piece of the Tumor now.