Nature Calls

The other day I was playing a game with my five year old. I like to call this game "Tire the little banshee out so he will go to sleep at night." The rules are varied. The only necessity is that he gets tired and sleeps nice. In turn, the theory is that I might sleep nice too. The only problem is the wife and dozen other kids that try to prevent me from sleeping nice.

So on this particular night, I was chasing him around his great grandmothers house. She lives in one of the age priviledged neighborhoods. I like the sound of that 'age priviledged'. It also keeps track of the old people so that when they finally pass that law that lets us shoot em when they hit like 75 or so, we will know where to find them all.

This one time I chase him, he runs around the corner of the house. In these neighborhoods, all the houses are CLOSE. So he sneaks around the corner. I am in hot pursuit with the baby in tow. I round the corner and BAM. Here is the little man dropping a deuce in the yard. I would like to say he was under cover of darkness or behind a bush, but no. Right in the middle of the community back yard and a hot pile of human excrement. Nice.

It must be something with the old lady's house. I recall another story of a guy, we will call him Jiggy once had a similar experience at her previous residence. It was a Christmas gathering and there was many family members in attendance. The drawback of the old house was there was only a single solitary toilet. Well I (I mean whomever) must have eaten something unagreeable and ran quietly for the stall. BATH TIME. OH NO. The wife had already started the bathing process on the kids. Well my bowels weren't waiting for the train to stop. I snuck outside and ran for the back yard. Well this was an older established neighborhood that provided a little more 'shelter'. I snagged some wrapping paper from the trashcan on the way back and let it rip in the middle of the yard. It was dark and I could at least see the festivities ongoing through the sliding glass door. So it was like I was there but not there. It was OK since granny is old and she doesn't do yardwork but I feel bad for that lawn boy. He must have been thinking that there was a big, ass dog or a bear nearby.