Almost Forgot

I was looking at all the hits the blog has been receiving. One such hit came from a google search of 'Nosaj the Great'. I was curious so I did the same search. There is actually a Morcheeba song with lyrics pertaining to Nosaj the Great. I can only assume they are not talking about our Nosaj but you never know.

Guess Who Is Back

How appropriate that my first blog back from vacation would coincide with my boy's first NASCAR victory in five long years. Jeff Burton won at the Monster Mile yesterday to snap a 175 race winless streak. Sweet.

The vacation was a success. The family is still talking to one another so that is a good thing after being together for an entire week. I wanted to do two things while on vacation, eat crabs and play tennis. I did neither. Timing was just a little off for both. Not that it matters because Neckbone has indefinitely postponed our championship match. He claims he is swamped at work. (Translation-no Internet at new job) He even offered to allow me to be the champ without playing the final but I refused. If it takes until next year when he is unemployed again, I will wait. I want to see the look of horror on his face when I beat him like a step child that stole from me.

There were no real funny incidents at the beach that did not involve the Hawkman family. And there were only a couple of them. One was the look of pure anguish when the family saw the extreme crib we were occupying. Maybe saving a buck or two has its drawbacks. The other, slightly more funny, incident involves Hawkmans pops. Pops was on a tour of the crib and its 7 bedroom, 11 bathroom massiveness when obviously the body betrayed him. He needed to find a toilet and remedy the situation. Well he had his choice; public stalls in the halls of each floor, an outdoor john near the pool or even a squat spot in each bedroom. Hawkman Sr. fearing he would never again crap in such digs chose the master facility. He sets up camp in the most plush stall of them all. Rumor has it that his 30 minute massive involved a trip to the steam shower but no one can confirm or deny and he only gave a quick smile when asked about it. Those crazy Hawkmen.

I joined the ranks of MYSPACE morons today. Sandwich Artist, SteelerFanBoy and Doogie have pages so I added mine out there too. It looks like a good place to meet chicks or dudes if you are single and desperate. So their pages make sense. Check me out at Superjiggye

Life's A Beach

Well I am at the beach enjoying some much deserved vacation. We all arrived at the vacation home safely and without incident and most surprisingly, without traffic. We met the Hawkman family at church and learned that their beach abode was a little under the weather. I mean it was just minor complaints like a room smelling like cat piss or a screened in porch that looked like a hurricane victim or beds with dirty sheets. You know, the normal complaints. We had not arrived at our home so we had no way to know if we were going to suffer the same conditions.

We finally roll into casa de Jiggy. It was, lets say, just a little more suited to the needs of the Jiggy than the Hawkman Roach Motel. I sat around in the hot tub the first night and wondered aloud how to resolve my most pressing dilemma. Should I watch the Skins game on the 10 foot theater room HD tv or should I watch it up in the game room on a 60 inch plasma while playing pool. The father in law decided the best way to find an answer was to ask the Hawkman.

The trip has been going smoothly other than the Skins debacle. They are really pissing me off. Oh well. I will worry about that when I get home. We found the liquor store last night and if we can just get Nosaj to buy some beer we will be all good.

Oh yeah. One other thing. Hawkmans brother is going to be sued. We were playing a little friendly game of beach football when the oaf broke my toe. I think a cool million might make it feel a little better. I will keep you posted. The other highlight or lowlight from the football game was a beautiful Joe Montana like pass from the Jiggy to the Hawkman who should have just blown by Nosaj for yet another score but stumbled and bumbled like Fridge Perry in the wide open and fell a few yards short of the end zone.

This Crazy, Crazy World

Here is what I have learned in the last 24 hours.

First, do not, and I repeat do not ever try to carpool with the Ebone. He understands the principle of carpooling. Yet it is the actually deed that he cannot grasp. You know, the part about actually going to the carpool lot and meeting the other carpool member. Even if you call him the day before, he will supposedly forget.

Next. Today is Ebone's birthday. I know this because his boss came to his desk today and gave him a big hug and a snack. It looked like apple fritters. I say looked like because fatty didn't offer any to me so I just have to guess. Sandwich Artist had the quote of the day when asked what Ebone had eaten today. He said 'Ebone had eaten all morning. That is what he has eaten today'. Fatty.

Ebone might still be the Carpooler of the year but he is no longer the Father of the Year. His escapades of taking his 10 year old sons to Hooters can't touch my new friend. I was at the kids hockey practice last night when FOTY comes over and starts up the conversation. I know he started the conversation because I generally hate people and don't try to talk to them. Anyways, he informs me that he had some bonding time over the summer with his 10 year old kid. He took him cross-country in his rig. I assume he is a trucker. And they had a little three day stop at Sturgis. He encountered lots of naked women or so his father says. He also got to cuss out some other truckers on the radio. Nice. I realized that my son won't be having sleep overs at that kids house.

Next I learned that people are freaks. I really knew this but not to this extend. SteelerFanBoy and Sandwich Artist were talking about past conquests and I was eavesdropping. Because of this, I am not sure exactly who said what but one of them distinctly said that he makes his women ice themselves down so they feel more like a dead chick when he is banging them. Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

This might be the creme de la creme. Doogie informed us that he got to shake his head on his poly appointment. What do I mean? Let me explain. Instead of the mind challenging and physically daunting task of replying Yes or No to a battery of questions, little Doogie nodded his head like a friggin mime. What is that all about? I inquired further. He was allowed to rock his head like it was on a swivel because (hold on for this) because he swallows too much when he answers. Damn I wish I didn't know that.

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

You know how things seem to go right for a while and then, POW, everything turns bad. Well, everything is going good right now so I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Let me recount my week for you.

Hurricanes/Tropical storms Ernesto and Florence have sidestepped my vacation destination and there seems to be no more disturbances out there right now. So next week's vacation might happen without weather issues. That is a good thing. I don't like crowds of people and I definitely didn't want to be in an evacuation situation with thousands of people that I don't like.

Tennis took a nice turn for the better too. I got my revenge against the Philipino Flash. You know how great teams and pros have their nemisis right? Cowboys/Skins. Sox/Yanks. Agassi/Sampras. Connors/McEnroe. Lakers/Celtics. Captain Redneck/The English Language. Lumpy/Dignity. Packers/Bears. Ebone/The Truth. Well, we are all familiar with these. I can say that Mini Les was that nemesis for me on the hardcourts. I was finally able to overcome his game and hand him the beatdown he so desperately needed. His Michael Chang leaps, his switching of raquets, his power serves, all for nothing. I am not saying that it wasn't close but he had ghosts of ancestors past coming back and dissing him for crapping on the family name.

Now Neckbone is the only thing standing between The Jiggy and the title. In reality, the only thing standing between me and the title is the calendar. As soon as we are able to play, it should be over.

Then last nite, Jeff Burton made the Chase for the Cup. Roddick won in the semis and will play Federer tonight. Russian hottie Sharipova graced my television last night and won. It was a good sports weekend too, so far. And the NFL is back. Are YOU ready for some football??

Where does the time go?

It seems like I have less and less time to write these entries. Having to actually work at work is killing me. I think I will have to do something about that.

Last week the E-bone met the same fate as the others. He stepped up his game only to get smacked back to reality. Next up is a rematch with mini Les. Hopefully I will fair a little better this time.

Last night on the way home the wife got pulled over for speeding. She got all bitter that Johnny Law was bothering us on our way home knowing that it was past the kids bedtime and they were tired. He must have felt sorry for us when he saw the million kids in the car or he liked our church bumper sticker. One way or another he let her go. Good thing we got her expired driver's license replaced on Friday as well as getting the expired inspection sticker replaced on Friday, because he looked at both. Whew.

That was truly a great day. She spent an hour and a half at the beautiful DMV with half of Mexico and obviously the 75% of the workforce that doesn't ever seem to work in my town. She had multiple conversations with the local weirdos. She kept calling me on the cell phone to complain but I acted like I had no reception from the parking lot. Eventually I got bored and ran over to get the truck inspected with all the kids in tow. Of course I wasn't done in time so she had to wait an extra half hour in DMV hell waiting for me. She was happy about that.

Probably the most horrific story of the weekend is about the Butcher of Bayonne. The wife got a great idea. She would cut my hair for me and save me a trip to town and $15. Never have I wished more that I spent $15 for a cut. It actually wasn't that bad except for the time when she is hacking away with the clippers. She has been going at it for a good twenty minutes and realizes that if you just run the clippers with the guard against the head that it cuts evenly. WOW. REALLY? That is the purpose of the guard!!!!!!! Well I don't have to bother with combing and primping in the mornings. So she saved me time AND money. Sweet.

I spent the savings on a knife. My kitchen blades were weak. Even though I had asked Hawkman for the name of a good blade, he let me down. So I sought help elsewhere and chose the Wusthof. It was a $95 blade but I found it at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I actually used one of the thousands of 20% off coupons they mail me.

Nosaj wants a rematch today. So maybe I can write tomorrow about losing at tennis. Nah, I doubt it.