Hail, Hail the Hail

Today I got caught in the worst hail storm ever. There was golf ball size hail just pounding my little Civic. It looked like I was driving on ice because the damn road was covered with hail. It sounded as if someone was just pegging me over and over with rocks. I kept thinking the windshield was going to break. I saw another car that looked like it did have a broken windshield. It was brutal. Here are some pics.

Funny Reporter

There is some bad language in this, but the noise this dude makes when a bug flies in his mouth is priceless.


Bug in Mouth Brings Out the Street in Reporter - Watch more free videos

Oh that wacky game of golf...

I have some golf updates from the big Round for the Hounds tournament that happened this weekend. But first, a puppy update. She ran away yesterday afternoon. I locked all the doors and pulled down the blinds but she still came back again. Lucky me. I am sure she was gone long enough to bite several people and get me sued. This is after we left her unattended for an hour yesterday.

I took the kids to the inlaws pool. I thought I might catch a couple golfers going by the house but I did not. It was 100 degrees outside so I figured I would give the mutt a chance to stay inside and be cool while we weren't home. We came home to dog crap and a ripped up toy as well as claw marks on the door. Today, if we go out, she will be crispy pup on the back porch.

Back to the golf tournament. Nosaj didn't have a great weekend. I could tell it was going to be bad on Friday when me and this guy that had never played Bags whooped Nosaj's ass. The team of him and my oldest kid that was throwing beatdowns the last time we played, was getting it handed to them. So, obviously, this carried over to the golf course.

It was a Captain's Choice tourney. The only thing Nosaj had to come up with all day was three of his own drives. So it comes down to the last two holes and they only need one more Nosaj drive. He dribbles the drive off of 17 about 5 feet. And then he does the same thing on 18 so they have to play that one. Rumor has it, and it is only a rumor, they were calling him Mr Triple Bogey during the awards ceremony and raffle.

To make matters worse, he had to pay $250 on Friday to fix his AC. I am sure my moms and pops would pay $500 to fix theirs since they have been without the cooling comforts of conditioned air since Wednesday. The guy should be out on Monday. I guess the 100 degree golf day wasn't much different than sitting on the couch at the old man's house.

Update #1 - I talked to Nosaj and supposedly his team was out to get him and put all the pressure on him to use his drives on the last two holes. The temps were too hot and the wind wasn't blowing right and some other stuff prevented him from performing well. It was all a set up.


Update #2 - I spoke to his team. They weren't calling him Mr Triple Bogey. They were calling him Mr. Three off the Tee. And supposedly they tried all day to come up with a drive of his they could use but were not able to get any. Finally they told him to use a wedge just to get something in play but he refused. To be continued......

Doggy Update

What is worse than four greyhounds in a 800 sq. ft. ranch house? Five greyhounds in a 800 sq. ft. ranch house.

What is worse than five greyhounds in a 800 sq. ft. ranch house? Five greyhounds that fight and send each other to the vet for $$$ bills.

Such is the life of the father in law. Just a little shout out to cheer him up on his week off of work.

My dog situation is not as bad. The dog doesn't whine in the cage at all anymore. That is because we don't put her in the cage. She stays on the back porch when we are not home. The FORTIFIED back porch. I had to staple up chicken wire all around it so she would not squeeze through the planks. There is a board covering the steps so she can't get out that way. Yet every few days she will still escape. The wind will blow real hard and move the board. Or she will, as she did last week, bend down a piece of chicken wire and jump up on it and wedge herself between the chicken wire and the porch rail. She will whine and wriggle for a while and then escape. So I made some chicken wire repairs. It seems to work. Only problem, she uses my back porch as a toilet.

I have time to write this tonight since I am not watching tv. I am not boycotting television. She ate the remote. Not all of the remote, just enough of it so it doesn't work. I called and they said I could come pick up a new one at the cable company or they would bring me one. Sure, I said, bring me one. Well they failed to mention it would be $20 so I will be going tomorrow to get a new one at the cable company.

I love animals.

Babysitter

I get home from work today and the wife wants to go to dinner. This is nothing new except that tonight she wants to leave the kids at home. So we call her dad to come over. He complains that he has already had three martinis and is tired. Granted it is only like 5pm on a Tuesday. I guess it is ok since he is on vacation this week.

So we go to dinner and come home only to see him and the kids huddled around the dining room table watching videos on my laptop. All these years of homeschooling and keeping the kids away from Ebone and I come home to this.



Later I ask the kids if the old man stayed on the laptop the whole time we were gone. Oh no, they say, he was on his phone the other half of the time.

I talked to a buddy the other day. He was recalling how he got arrested recently. The entire story is funny and yet normal for him. But one thing made me chuckle. As the cop was cuffing my dear good buddy, he marveled at how he would have to use TWO sets of handcuffs because chubbs had a Wide Frame. That is a very delicate way of putting it I suppose. Wide Frame. And no guys, it wasn't Lumpy.

Lazy

I would say I have been busy but I just haven't had the energy lately. My classes have been over for two weeks now and I find myself sitting on the couch like a vegetable for an hour after the kids go to bed. The bad part is I have soooo many funny things to tell everyone.

Like today, I talked to E-bone. He WAS planning on taking the family to some exotic island for vacation. (Damn I wish I had DBA money, and not that wannabe DBA money that SteelerFanBoy has) So E-bone applies for passports. Only problem is he uses fake birth certificates and gets busted. So what does a rational, level-headed man do when this happens? He blames the wife. Like she jumped in the WayBack machine and altered his birth certificate. Really man. Come on. Is your name really even E-bone?

Over the weekend, I was tilling the garden. In case you were wondering, I have expanded the garden and added a few different veggies. I see the five year old screaming in the driveway, and a couple of the other kids are helping her out. Everything seems under control so I continue my yard work. It turns out that she had a bee in her hair and it stung her shoulder. At dinner, one of the older girls was explaining how she was assisting her little sister.

'I saw the bee in her hair and she was screaming and I said I will be right back. I need to go um, get um, go um.'

What she needed to get was the hell out of there. Basically she threw her little sister to the wolves. Or the bees.

Nosaj is working on my cornhole bags game. He is making my boards for me so I should have them in the next couple of years. Sooner or later I will run out of excuses as to why I can't win at this stupid game.

A week or so ago the kids broke the neighbors garage door window. He came over and asked if the kids had seen anybody in his driveway during the day since they are at home. They said no of course. He explained that his window got busted. He leaves. I quiz the kids during baths and teeth brushing and unsurprisingly it was them. It turns out they were hitting golf balls in the back yard. Probably because their granddads never take them out to play. (Yes this is a hint old men) I am not a real big believer in coincidences. So I figure my kids are hitting golf balls, neighbors window breaks, there must be a connection. They finally admit they MIGHT have hit something in that direction. I made them pay for the window.

I lost a tree in one of the storms last week. It was a 25-30 foot tall Bradford Pear tree. I sawed it up with my saw extension to my weedeater. Nice. But then I had to lug it all back to the woods. That sucked.

I am sure some other stuff happened. I also have some pictures to put up here. But not tonight. I am beat. And the hockey game is 4-0. No suspense. Bed time.

Bunch of Things

It has been a busy couple of weeks. Let me try to catch you all up on the activities that have kept me on my toes.

A month ago I requested permission from the local HOA to install a swing set and to remove the fence around my propane tank and put up some trees. They finally got back to me and allowed my requests. That was the easy part.

So many of you know that the Hawkman family were coming to town. They came and went and no sickness was to be found. I don't, however, believe they will be coming back any time soon. They arrived on Friday afternoon. Mr. Hawkman and I played a little Bags. I borrowed the game from Nosaj. And we drank a little beer. Mr. Hawkman's fun ended right there. Saturday morning we started working on the swing set. Saturday afternoon, the twins had a birthday party with their friends. We missed it. We were allowed dinner and then more work. Sunday we went to early, early church and then back to work. The twins had a party with the family. We missed that too. A couple of people stopped by to say hi and some waved when they were leaving. We continued to work. Nosaj made appearances during the two days. He showed up late, had to take his kid home for a six hour nap and left early. So, Thanks Nosaj.

I bet Hawkman put a call block on his phone for my number. It was tough work but he was a trooper. He never complained. His biggest beef was when the women forgot to bring us some pepperocinnis from the store. We finally got the thing done just in time for him to make the four hour trip back home. What a host I am.

My dad started digging holes for the trees on Sunday. I finished up this weekend. Dragging around pine and spruce trees with huge root balls on them is not really that fun.

I want it to be known. I still haven't beaten Nosaj at his fake game. I think he is toying with me. I get close every time and then he pulls out the victory in the end. I kept the game here so I will practice this week. I could practice against Hawkman but I don't think he will answer my call.

On a happier note, my yard is starting to look park-like again. The fence I mentioned earlier is down and the camper is finally gone. Craigslist is a great tool. I sold the camper in a couple days after listing it on the site. Actually that was a funny story.

The dude came with his wife and dog. He bought it after less than an hour looking at it. I got cash, gave him the title and we were done. Then he turned off his truck while he put air in the camper tires. Then the truck wouldn't start up. I don't know this dude from Adam so he ain't coming in my crib. He screwed around with the truck for hours then finally called in backups and after 6 hours in my driveway, he had a buddy tow his truck and another tow the camper. I felt bad for slim but he wasn't coming in the house. Don't think I am a total dick. I offered them some bottled water before I locked up the garage.

Nosaj and Mrs. Nosaj got in on the Craigslist fever this weekend and sold a bunch of garbage they couldn't pawn off during a yard sale. Craigslist works.

And in the most important news, the garden is in full swing. I planted potatoes, onions and cabbage a couple weeks ago and they are already coming up. This weekend I planted tomatoes, several types of peppers, cilantro, squash and watermelons. I hope to get by the nursery tomorrow to get seeds for peas, beans and a few other things. It should be fun.

Here are some pics of Nosaj and my oldest playing Bags, some of the swing set, the garden and some of the park-like setting that I enjoy every day. Oh and one of the dog so you don't think I killed her. Yet.

Happy Birthday to Me

So how did you spend your birthday?

I spent mine this way. I woke up at 4:00AM to make sandwiches for the wife and oldest son so they could scurry off to see the Pope. I learned from Ebone that sometimes a wife really does get up at the crack of dawn and make you a lunch before you go to work. I figured I would try to show my wife this and I might be able to get some lunches for work for myself. It doesn't seem to have worked. I went to work today, lunchless.

Anyway. I went back to bed and woke up at 7 something. All the kids were waking up. I got them all dressed and took them to skating lessons. One of them tried to tell me she wasnt' going to skate that day. I assured her she was. She did. I came home and the mulch I had ordered was in the driveway. Five yards of mulch. I spent the rest of the day shoveling and spreading mulch. Then we had a birthday dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. Now that was a birthday. Below are some pics of the visit of the Pope.

More Pics Tonight

Did you know how awesome tonight was? There was the college hockey Frozen Four, NHL Playoffs, Day One of the Masters AND the wife and kids went to a friend's house for dinner. Of course I had some school work to do but I was able to watch the sports, drink a beer or two and do the school. I also found time to get these pics for you.
The first is of Captain Redneck. His daughter in law just gave him his third grandchild and this is obviously him celebrating. Captain sure does love his GeeTars. The second just caught my eye. It said Human Cookie Monster so you know I had to click. I wasn't disappointed. Thanks to Break.com and DirtyButton.com for these funny pics.

Phone Pics

Here are a couple pictures from my phone I finally uploaded. The first is my Civic after the encounter a few months ago with the deer. The second is this donkey I saw this morning on the way to work that sideswiped a power pole. You can barely see the pole laying in the road behind him. It made this big blueish-green flash when it smacked the ground. Dude is lucky it didn't hit his car. Obviously my phone on zoom takes small ass pictures. Weak.